One situation I will never forget involved two families. I will call them the Jones’ and the Smith’s. The Jones’ were a hard working couple. They were nice people who were just trying to make ends meet. They had three children. The father got a job working for a restaurant chain. His job had him travelling all over Canada to each of their restaurants to help in remodeling. That meant that he was on the road a lot. Basically he would leave on Sunday night and return home end of day Friday. Well, the Smiths who lived close by, watched what was happening and felt the need to express their concern that the children needed their father. So one day the Smith’s finally told the Jones’ what they thought. They told Mr. Jones they felt he was neglecting his children and that he should get a different job. Needless to say, it didn’t go over very well.
A very hard lesson that many of us struggle to learn is to mind our own business. We look around, and it is very easy to make surface judgments about people. We may know nothing about a person, but because of the way they wear their hair, or because of the car they drive, we judge a person to be unfit. Meddling and gossip are two very toxic behaviors that we could do without.
The Bible actually has a lot to say on this matter. One of the better known statements in the Bible on this subject is found in the book of Matthew:
“Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”
Matthew 7:3-5
To put it bluntly, what this section of the Bible tells us is that before we say anything to anyone in the way of correction, we should take a good long look at ourselves. If we see anything that is even questionable, then we should keep our mouths shut and move on.
There is another way to think about this. Perhaps we should first ask ourselves how we would feel if someone came and criticized us about something we were doing. Some of us may say “bring it on”. But most of us would likely think twice with this kind of a condition. In fact most of us live by a double standard. We want to be able to tell everyone else how to do their job, how to live their lives and how they should live a certain way, but yet at the same time no one should be allowed to come and tell us the same.
As I have worked with people over the past twenty years serving as a Pastor, I have come to conclude that far too many conflicts begin, because someone has a little bit of advice for another. Unsolicited advice is almost always taken in a negative way, leading to conflict.
Instead of being critical, instead of offering advice to the person who never asked for it, perhaps an entirely different approach is in order. Perhaps just hold back and don’t say anything at all. I know that I would prefer to show others grace by not saying anything in hopes that those around me would return to me the same favor. If, however, you feel you need to do something, then perhaps instead of showing another person how they are wrong, it would be better to encourage them, to try and help them. Alleviating another person’s burden will actually reap many rewards. Certainly something to think about.